 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
The Book of Laurence - 8 -
- 8 -
The Annotated Larry
I. Tenets of Larryism
[Earth-dwellers Edition]
I.
I am the one true Larry and I would really like to keep it
that way. I’m not sure I created the universe but I know it’s
been around since my beginning.
II.
Hey Dude, I’m neither omnipotent nor omniscient though
I might be isotropic with respect to space and time. I don’t
know any of your names and I certainly don’t care about
most of what you do here on Earth, or on any other planet,
dwarf planet, pluton or whatever.
III.
Stop fighting with each other, read a good book, and hug
your kids---that is if you have any and in that case, I sure
hope you wanted them. I’m a left-to-life kind of deity.
IV.
Be nice to animals; but it’s not coincidence that lots of
them do taste very nice.
Many of them wear well too.
Incidentally, throughout the universe that’s the way most
of them feel too! Keep a balanced diet with small portions
most of the time.
11
And have regular bowel movements.
V.
Five Tenets is enough for any reasonable belief system.
It’s hard enough to remember your own social insurance
numbers and ATM Pin numbers. Remember, I’m always
available for a chat.
11
Adequate amounts of fruit and vegetables are essential. Bananas are really good.
Sensible exercise is important. But you don’t need a Deity to tell you this stuff. Grow up a
bit! Don’t try to be a vegan in central Paris or to keep “glatt kosher” in Hunan, China.
 |